The Shakespeare Codex (Modern Plays) by Terry Pratchett

Author:Terry Pratchett [Pratchett, Terry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2024-01-06T00:00:00+00:00

Act Two

Scene One

Granny Weatherwax is on. We hear Ridcully’s message again, fading in from the Interval music. Shawn Ogg enters and starts to read the message out loud. As he does, the recorded Ridcully version fades out.

Shawn Ogg (walking across the stage) ‘To Mistress Esmerelda Weatherwax . . . How are you? I am fine. An interesting problem has arisen, and I’d be grateful for your input. This is a message from Mustrum Ridcully. As you know, we are on Roundworld, inside the universe which currently sits on a desk in the Library of Unseen University . . .’

By this time he should have reached the ‘door’ and knocked.

Granny Weatherwax (she picks up a large pine cone and makes as if to throw it) I warn you – I’m fed up with you lads always on the ear’ole for three wishes . . .!

Shawn Ogg It’s me, Mistress Weatherwax! I wish you’d stop doing this!

Granny Weatherwax See? You ain’t havin’ another two!

Shawn Ogg No, no – I’ve just come to deliver this for you . . . it’s a semaphore message from Ankh-Morpork for you, Mistress Weatherwax! It’s only the third one we’ve ever had!

Granny Weatherwax (taking the paper from him) What’s one o’ them things?

Shawn Ogg It’s like a letter that’s taken to bits and sent through the air.

Granny Weatherwax By them towers I keeps flyin’ into?

Shawn Ogg That’s right, Mistress Weatherwax.

Granny Weatherwax (short pause as she starts to read it) They moves ’em around at night, you know.

Shawn Ogg Er . . . I don’t think they do . . .

Granny Weatherwax (bridling) Oh? So I don’t know how to fly a broomstick right, do I?

Shawn Ogg (quickly) Actually, yes, I’ve remembered . . . They move them around all the time . . . On carts. Big carts. They . . .

Granny Weatherwax Yes yes. Be quiet now.

She reads.

‘To Mistress Esmerelda Weatherwax. How are you? I am fine. An interesting problem has arisen, and I’d be grateful for your input . . .’

She skim-reads through the fairly long message.

Ha! Silly old fools think they can’t see the wood for the trees, and the trees are the wood!

She skim-reads a little more.

Hmpf. Cost a lot, does it, sendin’ messages like this?

Shawn Ogg That message cost more than 600 dollars! I counted the words! Wizards must be made of money!

Granny Weatherwax Well, I ain’t. How much is one word?

Shawn Ogg Five pence for the sending and five pence for the first word.

Granny Weatherwax Ah. I’ve never been one for numbers, but I reckon that comes to . . . sixpence and one half penny.

Shawn Ogg (with almost no pause) That’s . . . right.

Granny Weatherwax You have a pencil?

Shawn hands it over. She writes one word and hands him the paper.

Shawn Ogg That’s all?

Granny Weatherwax Long question, short answer.

She turns away from him. Shawn holds out a hand for the money.

Granny Weatherwax Was there anything else?

Shawn Ogg (realising he had better not push the money thing – or ask for his pencil back) Er .

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.